4 Months Update

I’m a few days late getting this up, but better late than never, right?

My sweet Beckham is officially 4 months old!

– Sleeping through the night.

– Loves to blow bubbles with his mouth.

– Loves to coo and giggle.

– Loves to sit in his high chair while I’m eating. I have no idea why. He has no real use for it yet but sometimes it’s the only thing that calms him.

– 4 months strong on breastfeeding. This I’m most proud of because I had some supply issues this month that we were able to push through!

I’ve also gone back to work this month. The first week was SO difficult leaving him everyday, but we’ve both grown used to the new schedule and everything is working out perfectly. Plus, he loves spending time with his grandma during the day. I think he might like her more than me.

Here are some pictures from this month.

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3 Months Update

Beckham is officially 3 months old today!

  • He’s sleeping for 7 hours at a time during the night.
  • He had his first cold this month.
  • He’s started cooing & giggling.
  • LOVES his pacifier.
  • Still little to no hair.
  • Found his hands and constantly chews on them.
  • 17 pounds at his visit yesterday.
  • 25.5 inches long.
  • I feel like the whole newborn this is finally getting easier this month, finally feeling like I have control again is nice.
  • 2 Months Update

    I can’t believe I’m even writing this, I feel like I was just at the hospital having my baby and now he’s 2 months old.

    The past month has been busy. Anyone who is a parent knows how fast time flys when you’re taking care of a newborn baby.

    Some updates on Beckham:

    – Sleeping 5-6 hours at a time during the night.

    – Gained a TON of weight this month.

    – Can roll from his tummy to his back.

    – Wearing 3-6 month clothing.

    – Has the most ticklish feet I’ve ever seen.

    We’ve had a wonderful month full of growth. He’s surpassed every milestone just as if he wasn’t born early and I couldn’t be more happy.

    We’re spending June 28th – July 5th with our family at the beach house for my birthday & the Fourth Of July. Yay for Beckham’s first trip!

    This little boy is the best birthday present I could ever ask for. I can’t wait to see what 23 holds for me, and what the next month holds for Beckham.

    Here are some pictures from the month.

    One Month Update

    I cannot believe it’s already been a month. May 2, 2018 changed my life. The past month hasn’t been easy, I didn’t get to have him home with me for most of it. Beckham graduated from the NICU on May 20, 2018.

    This boy is the sweetest angel I have ever met. He’s been sleeping SO incredibly well since we got home, I even have to wake him up for feedings during the night (we’re on a strict schedule to help him catch up in weight). He hardly cries other than when he needs changed, and he loves to snuggle & be outside.

    At one month this guy LOVES his paci & lamb sleeping mat for naps. He’s up to 8lbs 3oz thanks to breastfeeding & a special supplement he’s on. He smiles constantly & loves to listen to his mom sing while being rocked to sleep.

    Happy first month of life, Beckham. You’re loved more than you’ll ever know ❤️

    Becoming a mom changed my life.

    I’ve been debating on posting this for a while now. I have slowly been working on it throughout my pregnancy and have added to it since having my son. Part of me is scared too because I don’t like being judged by anyone, but I know that I will be happy to have it to look back on in a few months.

    Becoming a mom changed my life. Not only did it change my life, but it saved it.

    Before I found out I was pregnant, I was on a path of destruction. I was destroying everything I had worked towards, and ruining all my hopes/dreams.

    Before I found out I was pregnant, I was an addict. Yes, it happened to me. I hurt my leg in a car crash in summer 2017 and was prescribed some strong pain killers. There isn’t anything wrong with taking them when needed, but the issue was that I never stopped. I found every reason possible to get them filled again, and if one doctor wouldn’t fill them, I’d go see a new one. On top of being addicted to pain killers, I would drink alcohol while taking them which is a dangerous mix, but I didn’t care. I was sad. I was depressed, couldn’t get it under control and nothing was helping. I knew I was disappointing every single person in my life that truly cared about me. I made my mother cry multiple times a week because she was scared I was going to die. I made my little brother live his life in fear of me walking out the door because he had no idea where I’d end up or if I’d be okay.

    I was lost. I had no desire to change. I didn’t want to quit doing all of those bad things because I didn’t care if I screwed my life up. There was no one or nothing that could get through to me to help me change.

    Fast forward to the new year, 2018. I went to the doctor because I had been sick for a good two weeks. I originally thought I had some type of flu, but it wasn’t going away, so I went to get checked out.

    I was pregnant.

    After that doctors appointment, I cried in my car for an hour. I had been taking those pills and drinking almost daily because I had no idea that I was pregnant. I was so scared that it may have been long enough to cause damage that I would never forgive myself for.

    I drove to my moms house to tell her, and she gave me a choice. She told me that I could step up and go to a treatment facility, or I could do nothing and she would fight me for custody if I chose to keep the baby.

    So, I went to treatment. No one other than her and my brother’s know that I spent the entire month of January in a treatment facility. I took it so seriously. I took notes, took extra classes, did more than they ever expected because I knew that I was responsible for more than just myself at that point.

    When I got out and back to Texas, I had to basically restart my life. Find a new job, I moved in with my mom, and I had to start preparing and saving money for a baby. I was overwhelmed and almost slipped up multiple times that first month home. Every time I almost did I thought about the baby growing inside of me and always stopped.

    I also remember finding out he was a boy. From that moment I knew that I wanted to be the best version of myself possible. I thought about all the things I had been through with boys and knew I wanted to help him grow into a true man someday. Most of all, I wanted to raise a kind one.

    Since the moment I found out about him, my life changed. I’m no longer sad everyday, I no longer want to harm myself, and I no longer have the desire to touch any of the harmful things I was doing before.

    I still have some rough days just as every human does, but all it takes is one look at an ultrasound or photo of him now that he’s he to make it all better.

    Now that he’s here, I wake up every single day with a purpose. I wake up excited to go to the NICU and see what kind of progress he’s made and know he’s one step closer to being home with me. He has shown me what it’s like to love someone unconditionally even before I was able to hold him in my arms.

    This journey of motherhood came earlier than I had ever dreamed, but I’m a believer in things happen for a reason. This little boy who’s all mine changed my life completely. He saved me in more ways than one. I’ve been sober from everything for almost 6 months after not going a single day without drinking and taking pills.

    I’m thankful every single day for my son Beckham, and of course my mother who gave me the extra push. I don’t know that I’d be here today without them.

    2 weeks postpartum | NICU update

    I’m officially 2 weeks postpartum. I’m starting to feel so much better! I’m able to drive myself around, can get through the day with only Tylenol, and my c-section scar is healing perfectly. I’ll be honest, the c-section was so much worse than I anticipated, but I also don’t have a very high pain tolerance.

    Beckham is doing SO great, breathing on his own, and holding his own temperature. The only thing we are waiting on is him to get eating down. The nurses and I have been slowly making progress on getting him to nurse/bottle feed, but he hasn’t fed normally for more than a few hours straight. He has to feed normally for 48 hours straight before we can leave the NICU, so we’ve still got some progress to make. He’s also gaining weight so well because of the feeding tube, and has grown so much in this short two weeks!

    Spending almost 2 years of my life as a NICU nurse has definitely helped in this situation. It puts me at ease when I go home to sleep at night knowing how to read his charts and seeing how good he is doing.

    I can’t wait to have him home, I’ve been washing all of his clothes, getting his nursery finished, and setting up his bassinet for my bedroom. I have a good feeling that we’ll be home by June, and that would be the best early birthday I could ever have.

    (His feeding tube was out so we could work on feeding)

    Mother’s Day

    This Mother’s Day is special to me for so many reasons. One being I’m actually a mom now.. which still sounds crazy to me.

    My son may be in the NICU with be not fully being able to take care of him, but I’m still a mother.

    My whole world has changed in a matter of months. I went from partying every weekend, to staying in watching Netflix while eating whatever my son made me crave that day.

    I remember the day I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t stop crying. I was scared, and I was in a horrible place mentally. I was only 22, just trying to put all the broken pieces back together. I had no idea what I wanted to do or how I was going to be a mom. I thought I’d be the worst mom of all time.

    It took me a few days to calm down and tell my own mom what was going on. She didn’t judge me for a second. Instead, she held me and told me that I have an entire family full of people that will support me and my child no matter what the circumstances are. She reminded me how everything happens for a reason and that God never gives us anything that we cannot handle.

    The day that I had that conversation with my mom, I went home and prayed. I’ve always been religious, but at that time I had strayed while being in a bad place mentally. I remember praying that he would give me the strength to be half as good as my own mom was, I just wanted so badly to finally feel better so that I could focus on my baby.

    After this, the next morning I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I got back into my normal routine, the one I did when I wasn’t sad or sleeping my life away. Each day that passed, I felt a little better and even more excited to meet my child.

    Then came the day I was told “it’s a boy”. I remember thinking so many thoughts at that time. The second I knew he was a boy I hoped that I could raise him to be a good man. I hoped he would grow up to be the type of man my father and brothers are.

    Fast forward a few months, I had an emergency c-section. I was so scared that he was going to be too little to survive, then he arrived and I heard the doctor say “he’s further along than we thought, he’s breathing on his own”. I was so thankful and relieved.

    May 2 is a day that forever changed my world. My son, Beckham, saved my life. I’m not being dramatic, I truly do believe that he saved me. He made me realize how much I needed to change and gave me a reason for everything I do. He showed me what true love is.

    I won’t get to have him with me on Mother’s Day, but I know he’s getting stronger and everyday is a day closer to the two of us being together against the world.